Ask Better Questions.

The best aren’t getting better on their own, they’re getting better because they are being coached.

Picture this: you’re standing in front of your team, confident that the question you’re about to ask is so simple that the answer is obvious. Your mind is already thinking ahead, anticipating the next move. Then it hits—a deafening silence. An unsettling void that, in the blink of an eye, makes you question everything. If you’ve ever led a team, you’ve likely experienced this moment.

Eventually, one of your team members breaks the silence, saying, “It would be quicker if you just told us the answer.” A common response, but for former All Blacks head coach Wayne Smith, that silence became a moment to pause, reflect, and reconsider his approach. What he discovered through this discomfort offers valuable lessons for any high-performance leader.

Ask Better Questions, or Don’t Ask at All

Smith’s story is not just about a coach and his players—it’s about leadership and communication in high-stakes environments. “Sometimes I’d ask players, ‘Why did you do that?’ and it would create tension because it felt like I was challenging them,” Smith recalls. His intent was to understand their thought processes so he could help the team improve, but the phrasing of his questions led to defensiveness, not insight.

For leaders in any field—whether in elite sport, business, or other high-performance settings—the way we frame our questions can be the difference between sparking a productive dialogue or shutting it down entirely. Smith quickly realized that it wasn’t the substance of his questions, but the tone and framing that created unnecessary friction. By shifting from “Why” to “What” questions, he diffused the tension and invited more open, thoughtful responses.

Here’s how that shift played out:

Coach: What did you do in that play?

Player: I passed the ball.

Coach: What did you see that led to that decision?

Player: I saw their winger move inside…

Coach: Excellent! That’s a key observation in that situation.

The subtle shift to “What” questions made Smith’s inquiry feel less judgmental and more curious. As high-performance leaders, curiosity is a crucial asset. It encourages deeper thinking, and helps others explore their own decision-making process without feeling the need to defend themselves. In fast-paced environments where decisions must be made quickly and under pressure, asking the right questions can lead to clearer insights, faster problem-solving, and ultimately better performance.

Why This Matters for High-Performance Leadership

Effective leadership, especially in high-performance environments, is not just about directing or providing solutions—it’s about fostering a culture of reflection, learning, and growth. Leaders who can create this culture enable their teams to think critically, adapt quickly, and find solutions on their own. Smith’s discovery is a powerful reminder that how we engage with our teams directly impacts their performance. Instead of giving the answers or challenging decisions, we should be asking the types of questions that drive curiosity and ownership.

Elite athletes, top executives, and high-performing teams all benefit from a culture that promotes self-driven learning. When leaders ask better questions, they encourage their teams to step into the role of problem solvers, rather than passively waiting for direction. By asking “What” instead of “Why,” leaders keep the conversation open, creating a space where team members can explore the why themselves, without feeling like they’re being put on trial.

Don’t Ask “Why,” Ask “What”

Interestingly, Smith’s change in approach aligns with what research says about how leaders should question themselves. In her TED Talk, self-awareness expert Dr. Tasha Eurich explains that asking “Why” questions during self-reflection often takes us further from the truth. She cites two key reasons:

1. Much of our thought process happens outside our conscious awareness, so when we ask “Why,” we often construct explanations that feel correct but are fundamentally flawed.

2. We tend to overemphasise recent events, leading to skewed perceptions of ourselves and our performance.

This distorted self-reflection can lead to two dangerous extremes—either excessive self-criticism (“Why do I always fail?”) or an inflated sense of accomplishment (“Why doesn’t anyone appreciate how good I am?”). Neither of these is helpful for a leader aiming to stay grounded and make thoughtful decisions. For high-performance leaders, staying in a balanced state of self-awareness is critical for guiding teams effectively.

Had Wayne Smith asked himself, “Why aren’t my players responding well to my questions?” he might have rationalized that his methods were flawless and his players were simply underperforming. Instead, he reframed the question: “What can I ask to better understand what the players are seeing?” This approach allowed him to improve his own leadership style and better connect with his players.

The Impact on Your Leadership

As a high-performance leader, the lesson here is clear: better questions lead to better results. When you ask “What” instead of “Why,” you not only create a more open and reflective dialogue with your team, but you also model a mindset of continuous improvement. This is especially important in high-stakes environments where the pressure to perform is intense and mistakes can be costly. Asking “What” keeps the focus on learning and improving rather than on assigning blame.

Moreover, this approach fosters a culture of psychological safety, where team members feel comfortable sharing their thought processes, admitting mistakes, and taking ownership of their decisions. High-performance teams thrive in environments where reflection, learning, and constructive dialogue are the norm. By leading with curiosity, and by asking the right kinds of questions, you create the conditions for your team to think, innovate, and perform at their best.

In high-performance leadership, it’s not just about having the answers. It’s about empowering your team to find the answers themselves—by asking better questions, staying curious, and always seeking to understand, rather than to judge.

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